Bhaiyya mind!

Took a rick from Sakinaka to Ghatkopar station yesterday evening. On eavesdropping a bit, realized the driver was a 'Bhaiyya' - A slang used by Mumbaiwallahs to address the UP-Bihar migrants in Mumbai. Actually, Bhaiyya is a tortured soul at the hands of Marathi manoos esp. the Thackerays. Everyone seems to hate them. Mumbai these days is polarized on two things:- Bhaiyya and non-Bhaiyya!

But how Bombayites identify a Bhaiyya?? Well here are some..

• When the person has a nasty oil (probably Chameli ka Tel) applied on his hairs and boards a jam-packed local train. Then the person drops something, bends down to get it and in process rubs off his oily head on our trousers. Believe me no Ariel/Surf Excel can get that stink off your pant. You have for sure encountered a Bhaiyya that day.
• A road-side panipuriwallah who mixed the paani with his left hand (also used frequently by him to scratch his underarms, pick nose etc..). The KantaBens, Geetaben who like their paanipuri extra spicy can be overheard saying to bhaiyya with a puri in their mouth.. "Aur theeka chahiyee"(I want it more spicy). God bless their poor husbands. ;-)
• The pot-bellied panwala who wears a white trouser and a over-sized shirt with all but 2 buttons open flaunting his family pack.
• Scores of channawallah (peanut vendors) who rule the roost in local trains and platforms in Mumbai suburbs. no one can make better cones of paper than them.
• etc..

Well, coming to point, I happened to ask the Bhaiyya his opinion on Raj Thackeray. His curt reply was that he endorses Raj Thackeray Maharashtra Navnirman sena (Manse as ppl call it). I asked him the reason as Bhaiyyas hate him the most for his No-Bhaiyya-in-Bombay agenda. I was pleasantly surprised by his answer.

He said, 'Saab, joh jyada kaanoon thodtha hain, uske haat mein kaanoon sambhalneko deneka. Sudhar jaayenga' (Giving the responsibility to the bully to maintain law who frequently tends to break it)

It made perfect sense. Make the rowdy guy in class as the monitor, He will come in line automatically. Hats off to that Bhaiyya for his thinking.

A brilliant Bhaiyya mind!

A bachelor Iyer's Confusion!

Every guy has to pass through the stage where his parents will tell him indirectly that you are getting old enough to get married. A euphemism meaning you are on crossroads and about to be considered uncle. In medical terms its called Unclophobia. You can say 26-27 is that time or the time before the children in your neighbour start calling you the dreaded word "UNCLE". If you are more than 29-30; only god can help you . You will be labelled an uncle-types by the girls. Then there is no use running around with jaadhagams (horoscopes). Just hope that some same-aged aunty show some pity on you!

As there is Kalyana-talk going on in home, there explodes mangoes (just like that Slice' Ad) in our hearts imagining Aishwarya Rai, Ayesha Takia, Drew Barrymore, Trisha etc.. All in One.. Nalam nalamariyaaval song of Kaadhal Kottai playing in background imagining one like these beauties. A Tam-brahm who has been brought on a steady diet of tayir saadam (curd rice) imagines one of these above mentioned figures wearing a madisaar (12 yard saree).

But he doesn't knows that he is no Sliverster Stallone. Girls esp. iyer girls don't put conditions, but rather commandments. Some of those dreaded ones are:-

• Cmdt#1:- Guy should be well-settled. (Even God has failed to know the exact meaning of well-settledness). Well-settled can be anything from owning a Mercedes car and being a neighbour to Sachin Tendulkar.
• Corollary to Cmdt #1:- well-settledness meaning is subject to change from person to person and vary accordingly without prior notice.
• Cmdt#2:- Guys should be well educated. Well educated means an MBA from IIMs to an M.Tech from IITs. Guys graduating from colleges like Ganpatrao Bapatrao Engg college or BannariAmman Institute of technology are blatantly rejected.
• Cmdt#3:- Boys should work in reputed firms. For a s/w enggr, rejection policy is relative and subject to market conditions. Techie from google Inc. , Microsoft Inc. are preferred than Indian cos. Guys working in banks can apply. H1B or European visa is must.
• Cmdt#4:- boys should earn more than 1 Lakh. guys hoping that's per quarter pls stp reading further. that is per month or per fortnight. As per above Commandment, where the hell does a bank guy earn more than 1L/m????
• Cmdt#5:- Boys should have clean habits. Now clean habits doesn't means not wearing unwashed underwears for many days but no smoking, no drinking, no jolling, no paan, no friend aathula party, no friends oda outings, so late nite Fridays etc.. (the more the list grows the more the guy's fate is bad)
• Corollary to Cmdt #5:- Some of these can be excluded from the list if ponnu herself has some of these nalla habits.
• Cmdt#6:- Boys should reside in city limits. Yes my dear comrades. In mumbai iyer girls have setup limit from dadar to mulund in central lines and goregoan to andheri in western. In short if you are out of city limits you are a villager. And if you really stay in a village better look out for a gramathu-ponnu than these high-cultured high-heeled city ponnus.
• Cmdt#:7- Guys should have own flat in city area. Can someone please let these girls know about real-estate rates. A good house costs anywhere close to 70 Lacs. Now, how do they expect us to own this. All we can do is own a square-feet of land in prime area. That too on a loan.
• Cmdt#8:- Boys should be good looking and should not be 'sottai' (bald) What the ....? City bred Iyer ponnus behave as if they are all Aishwarya Rai's cousin sister. If they all want Salman Khan and Sharkukh Khan, who will put khana for us? Boy should be able to convince the girl that 'Mandailla massuru illainalum, manasu mangalyama irruku' (Have a good heart if not hairs on head)
• Corollary to Cmdt #8:- Boys should have good figures with 6 packs. Yes. definitely. Round is a figure. Ain't it? Single pack (a.k.a Family pack) are not the figures girls are looking out for. So take dumbells straightaway!
• Cmdt#9:- Guys should know to cook well. So start watching all cookery shows on TV including Paravai Muniyamma's Gramathu Virundhu.
• Cmdt#10:- Guys should be god-fearing. Post-marriage guys can fear only 1 thing, that is their better half.
• Cmdt#11:- Guys should have good family values. Now again this is a ambiguous reqt. We are weak in maths.. so lets not discuss values. Yes, but we can discuss figures.
• Cmdt#12:- Guys should be pure veg. Hmmm.. You can watch mokkai movies of Meena but not try to taste Meen Kozhambu
• Cmdt#13:- Boys should have good sense of humor. Cracking Non veg. jokes and saying double/triple meaning dialaak is not considered sense of humor by girls. You should have capability to laugh at the mokkai jokes of the gal and appreciate that. What torture is this Saravana???
• Cmdt#13:- Boy should sing carnatic music well(not cinema songs like apdi podu podu). Sruthi set aagalana, Sruthi sistera try pannalam.

So my poor single iyers, these are some of the confusions through which all of us are going through. I am sure the Commandments list increase exponentially once you tie the dreaded knot. Till then do jalsa and show jilpa... Wokkay?

Friday train accident

Yesterday was a horrible day for most of the commuters who are dependent on Mumbai's only life line 'The local train'. A bridge (the one supporting water pipes) between Thane and Mulund collapsed on a train killing motorman, Ramachandran Iyer (age 43), a fellow resident of Dombivli. He got crushed under the girders that fell on the train.

My heartfelt condolences to the family of Mr.Ramachandran.

His life could have been saved had the rescue operations acted swiftly. His hands and legs had to be amputated to get his body out. ;-( The rescue team came on site after 3 long hours after the incident took place.

Would this lethargy had happened if a Marathi Manoos was battling for his life?????

Had a harrowing time reaching home. Left Sakinaka in car @ 8pm and came to Thane battling hell lot of traffic. Had to coax the driver to take us till Kalyan as the train service had come to a halt. He reluctantly agreed. Else had to cool my a$$ on Thane station. Took the Bhiwandi-Kalyan highway where the traffic refused to move even at snail's pace. 10...11..12...1.. Finally reached Kalyan station at 1.10am. Took a rick from there to dombivli which made me poor by 100 bucks.. ;-( Finally reached home at 1.35am..

total travel time: 5.35 hrs... but realised 'Thank god its Friday'.. oops Saturday..

wonder if life in Blore was better..... ;-(

image courtesy: rediff.com

After a sabbatical...

Well, I am back to write a blog after a sabattical of almost 1 year. A lot has happened in the past 1 year. Have moved out of Bangalore to hunt bigger? dreams and now in Mumbai with my parents. There was no great inspiration for writing a blog. Not that many read my blogs, but there wasn't anything to write. Thought of closing down this too... Anyways, Life moves on...

p.s. Have tagged this blog with pamela anderson, sex, namitha and MNS. ;-) selfish way to increase indexing of this blog. Sorry for those who landed up on this blog thinking of something else.

How I got hold of Udayan ?!?

Right now (Friday, October 24, 2008 10:53 AM) I am writing this post sitting in train with complete awe that how I managed to catch this Udayan Exp. It was touch and go. Now I am happily going to Mumbai; my home; to celebrate Diwali.
Yesterday, The train was scheduled to depart at 20:10. I had left office by 16:40 and reached home by 17:35. I left home by 18:30 and waited for half an hour in Sony World signal for a bus to Majestic. But, I couldn’t find any to my despair. It usually should take 45min to reach Majestic, but today the traffic was quite gruel some.
It was 19:05 and still no sign of a bus. I finally decided to go for a rick. But as a usual nakhra with these Bangalore Auto Drivers; they won’t come to the place where you want to go. I had asked at least half a dozen autos, but no luck.
I was scampering around the Sony world signal like a beggar with child (here luggage) in hand and begging autowallahs to come. A mid-aged autowallah seeing my misery offered to go. He was like a messiah at that point of time for me.
After that I had to go through the emotions of Bangalore traffic. Signal after signal, road after road, gully after gully; everywhere there was jam. I pleaded with the driver to take me somehow to my destination. But what can he do? It was too much traffic yesterday. It seemed everyone on the road was conspiring to block me. It was 20:00 and I was still near Mysore Bank; still a good 6 signals to scamper through. It was 21:10 (the departure time) and still 3 signals to go. I was almost in tears. The fear of missing the train was gripping me. But still something said inside me I can make it. It was a challenge thrown to me. I was stuck in one more blockade and asked autowallah whether I can make it by foot.
The moment he said “Yes” I threw a 100 rupee note to him and bolted like Usain Bolt towards the station. Still the sight of Bangalore City JN evaded me. I had to cross a huge barricade, but it seemed to be too small at that moment.
20:17hrs
It was 7 min past the scheduled departure time and any other day the train would have chugged out. I ran as if I am running for my life. My worst fear being, seeing the back of the train; that dreaded ‘X’ mark.
20:19hrs
I finally made it to the entrance and gasping for breath as I carried quite heavy backpack and an equally heavy shoulder bag. One porter came rushing to me saying, “Saab, Sirf 10 minoot hain Rajdhani ko”. I replied in vain almost in tears, “Udayan”

I didn’t had the heart to hear ‘it had already left’ from him. But, it was my day. He took my bag and ran to the platform. My Udayan has not ditched me. How can she go w/o me? ;-)
Btw time I reached platform, the train had just started moving. We just got into some coach. I gave him 10 bucks. Me in total disbelief of not missing the train. My lungs were longing badly for some much needed oxygen. A fellow passenger gave me some water. Belly was aching badly. I had never run like this. My round physique making matters worse.
Then I checked with TTR and came to know that my reservation was in the same coach (My RAC had confirmed). I am on my way home still with the disbelief of, how I got hold of Udayan!!

Dasavatharam : Movie review

Saw the movie in Mumbai with my family yesterday and I must say it was a spendid evening indeed.
The film starts with Kamal (Scientist Govind) giving an thanks acceptance speech in a stadium... the film then darts back to 12th century and then follows a complex screenplay which leaves you a bit confused and mind full of chaos. Thats right! The chaotic screenplay is the base of this movie. To be more precise, the movie is loosely based on 'Chaos Theory' or the 'Butterfly effect'. The audience is presented with string of seemingly unrelated events; thereby portraying the ten avatars of Kamal.. and all these un-related & chaotic events/charecters converges in the end to the tsunami scene (in fact the scene where the film starts the narration with) .

Well, Kamal leaves you in awe with his breath-taking performances, be it the tough American ex-CIA, the telugu investigator, Dalit Leader etc.. This is a performance which cant be matched by anyone around in the planet. The body language, the voice modulation differs from each of the ten characters. We just cannot believe how this man can pull it off... Amazing performance by Kamal.

KSR adds all the required commercial elements needed for Tamil cinema. Apart from the ten charecters of Kamal; I enjoyed the work of Pattabhi (the driver/translator of CIA agent -Kamal). He excels in inducing belly-ache through his funny dialogue delivery. Only person who has failed Kamal is Himesh. His music is not upto mark. ;-(

The screenplay reminds you the screenplay of City of Gods. The cons are the length of the movie. But it doesn't bores you though. Finally, when you come out of cinema hall, you will be left in complete awe but still wont be able to recall a scene. The film has set the benchmark for its technical brilliance. I felt proud to see a Indian movie, so well made. Kamal's hardwork and dedication reflects in each and every frame of the movie.

If this was a Hollywood movie; the oscars would have been bestowed for the screenplay for sure. Overall, An excellent effort by Kamal. Kudos to him for taking tamizh movie to international standards.

Back in Bombay!

Finally I am back in Bombay or say it Mumbai (to please the Thackeray). I was supposed to travel by Udayan Exp on Friday night, thanks to W/L status of my ticket; I had to cancel it and take a evening flight to Mumbai.

66 kms. Yes, You read it right. Its 66 kms from E-City to Airport (Devanahalli one). The volvo travel from Infosys to Airport costs 200 bucks :-( Took the bus at 1:50 pm and reached airport at 4:20pm. No traffic at all. The new airport kinda looks good. Lots of checkin counters and all. But, you need lots of food stalls there. Well, there is CCD, but pls go there if you are ready to dish out 70 bucks for a Veg. burger :-(

Flight was supposed to depart at 18:50hrs. But, to bring unwanted spice in the journey; my Spicejet flight got delayed by 2 hrs. Spend some boring hrs flirting with a cute chick w/ a laptop. actually my motive was to check some mails. But I ended up seeing some pics of Namitha on IndiaGlitz. hehehhe.....

Atlast, boarded the flight at 20:00hrs. The air-hostess (she was a cutie indeed ;-)) started the boring demo of what to do when your flight nosedives in sea, air-mask, seat belt, blah blah blah...
I could notice the guy seated next to me was scanning the airhostess curiously and asked me, "Do you feel those are real ones?" Infact I closed my Chetan Bhagat's novel and looked at the crew for the first time. I didn't knew what to answer to that question. But, the guy too didn't seem interested in getting an answer from me (was scanning the other girls.. )

Flight started rolling (at last). The guy next to me, he called a flight attendant (girl of course) and asked... ""Plane late hogaya hain... snacks-wacks nahi milega kya??" (Plane is late, cant I get some snacks?). the girl smiled and replied in negative. Instead we were given a 'complimentary' water bottle (some 100ml i think). The guy turned to me and said, "I called her to get a close-up view u c" ;-)

The climate was very rough in Mumbai (as usual heavy rainfall). There were some delay in landing due to this. We were supposed to land @ 22:45hrs, but it was 23:10 and we were still airborne. The lights were switched off for landing, suddenly the guy stood up and yelled in his typical Sachin' voice... "yeeeeeeh.... route bhool gaya kya???? " (hey, Have you forgotten the route?). the passengers errupted in laughter on this. A nightmarish day was lightened by that guys stupid prank. Anyways, I last I am in Bombay.... ;-) but just for a week ;-(